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I’ve been a bundle of nerves lately. I am due to give my first ever conference presentation in 3 short weeks at a major conference in the US. Public speaking is still (even after teaching and several presentations to the department) about my least favorite thing to do on earth, and there are likely to be a lot of really really smart people who know an awful lot about my field (much more than me!) in my audience and I’m bricking it a bit, truth be told. I’m sure it’ll be fine; it’s only 15 minutes of my life, so even if it’s terrible, it’ll be over relatively quickly, right? As my mother always says, it’ll probably be horrible, but in a completely different way than I’m expecting, so why bother worrying? And afterwards I get to go see my family, who I haven’t seen in over a year, which I am really looking forward to. But for now, the presentation is kind of looming over me like a big scary cloud. I’ve also noticed people pinning pumpkin recipes on Pinterest lately. Stop it, people! Autumn can’t be right around the corner! That means my PhD thesis submission date and viva are looming as well! :-/

Inspired by the looming dread that will hover over me for the entirety of the rest of this year, I’m sure, I did a little drawing/watercolor the other day. It reminded me of a poem I wrote (don’t laugh!) back in my oh-so-gothic undergrad years, as a sort of dark twist on Emily Dickinson’s Hope is the thing with feathers poem. I’m an Eeyore, I am! 😉

hope is the thing with feathers all right…
——————————————————

oh em,
you said once
“hope is the thing with feathers”
and i agree;
but the song it sings isn’t sweet

it’s a dirge, a death knell

and it doesn’t perch
all cute and perky with dewy eyes

it hovers and lurks
circling high in a sick sweaty sky
waiting
just waiting
for something to die.

copyright 2000ish? by GothicGenevieve’sTorturedSoul

Dread

Dread

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